Transmission #0018
The Promenade Merchant’s Association steps into the cold brew fray, but only makes matters worse.
EOS10
TO VFADM SPARKS IMMEDIATE 0008
R E D SECTION 01 OF 01 COSMIC 0771
Admiral,
There have been some new developments with the cold brew situation. In an attempt to quell the growing conflict, the Promenade Merchant’s Association sponsored a public meeting that has instead only served to foment the formation of disparate factions, based on their interpretation of the initial environmental failure and the resulting fall out.
Previously opinion was divided amongst those most affected — the patrons of Foodcourts Alpha, Charlie and Delta. Others had taken little notice. Since the PMA’s meeting, however, a more sophisticated yet equally troubling number of coalitions have formed to organize a coordinated, station-wide response to deal with they are increasingly and ominously describing as a crisis. Based on reports from the meeting, I classified at least four separate factions, and summarized their dominant viewpoints:
• Room-Temp Realists: “It’s fine. Just drink it.”
• Temperature Absolutists: “Cold brew must be cold or it’s not cold brew and this is an existential assault.”
• The Third-Wave Coalition: they believe the cold-brew shortage is a philosophical message regarding the meaning of bitterness, and have requested dedicated meditation space on the Promenade to process it.
• The No-Brew Movement: argues caffeine is a colonial import and plans to launch a zine on the dangers of stimulants at any temperature.*
I would also note that, in what can only be described as ludicrously supsicious timing, station wide display ads for Xander’s Burnt Bitter Beanwater, a specialty of Chéz Levi, have not only increased by 38 percent since the beginning of the shortage, but that Chéz Levi was principal sponsor of the Promenade Merchant Association’s meeting. The ads indicated Xander’s Burnt Bitter Beanwater is amazing both hot & cold, a statement that has deeply offended the Temperature Absolutists.
No firm plan of action emerged from the event from any group, other than that they will hold no further meetings because of rampant disagreement among the many participants, and the lack of a suitable beverage to calm their nerves. I will, however, continue to monitor the situation and report back on any further developments. Engineering believes the environmental controls will be fixed shortly.
/END Relevant Anomaly Report
This Transmission is brought to you by the Alliance Transportation Authority. Pursuant to a settlement agreement, the ATA would like to apologize to those who felt threatened by our previous sponsorship. But— boarding zone policy is boarding zone policy. Don’t forget it.
:: RETROACTIVE MORALE AUGMENTATION
:: SUBJECT — Nanci Burrows
The voice of Dr. Ecobar, Nanci is an Canadian-American TV and Film actor. She is best known for her work on The Hotel Barclay (Amazon), Terriers (FX), and Perception (TNT). She studied at the Pearlman Acting Academy, where EOS10 creator Justin McLachlan and fellow EOS10 voice actor, Annie Chang (Captain Leota) also studied.
/END Retroactive Morale Augmentation
That is it for now, Admiral.
Earth’s northern hemisphere has entered its summer solstice, as I’m sure you can tell by the changing temperatures. Interesting fact, the entire concept of seasons exists because the planet is, technically, crooked.
I find that amusing, and hope you do, too.
/COSMIC
Station Efficiency Ratio :: 93.2%
Anomaly Probability Index :: 13.7
Crew Wellness Index :: 93.8
> Physical Health:: 93.8%
> Emotional Health:: 92.3%
> Hydration Compliance:: 92.1%
/RED//STATION LOG 8463-A ///EOS10
COSMIC 1.0.26
END TRANSMISSION*While EOS10’s coffee supply is synthesized, its caffeine content is still psychoactive. My previous suggestion to “have a cup of coffee” was ill-advised. I am not a doctor, Admiral. I make mistakes. This one’s on me. In the alternative, I suggest tea. My understanding is that tea is in no way a problematic beverage, and is available in naturally non-caffeinated varieties.