Transmission #0019
The Interface helps end the war over cold brew and more cold brew is on the way.
EOS10
TO VFADM SPARKS IMMEDIATE 0008
R E D SECTION 01 OF 01 COSMIC 0771
Admiral,
The cold brew incident has escalated. After the recent fractious public meeting held (or more aptly, instigated) by the Promenade Merchant’s association, multiple civilian groups have staged various and competing coffee truth tribunals throughout the station.
Several of these tribunals have ensnared multiple Alliance Officers through EOS10’s command structure, and in one incident associated with realists, a multi-sector diplomatic dispute over coffee temperature controls throughout the quadrant. The Alliance Diplomatic Core has stepped into ease tensions, but negotiations are ongoing. They hope a treaty may signed soon, and that all recalled ambassadors will eventually be returned to their posts. The realists have aligned themselves with Foodcourt Alpha, whose patrons continue to be suspiciously quiet throughout this saga. They have broken their silence just once, only to state that they has no comment, which they delivered via a prepared statement distributed by legal counsel.
Various departments involved not only in the spiraling investigation of the original environmental failure in the storage bay have now spread to internal affairs investigations throughout station security. Early reports are that a schism has developed among investigative staff and each — depending on foodcourt allegiance — have produced wildly diverging reports with sometimes spurious and defamatory descriptions of various food court facilities.
Hydroponics, at the direction of Science, prototyped a cold-brew-adjacent bean plant that was designed for consumption at any brew-temperature preferred, but initial reports are that drinks brewed from its beans taste like “a wet handshake,” according to one taste tester.
Incidentally, Engineering has filed its final report on the malfunction. A misaligned thermal relay warmed the storage bay by 2.4C degrees for approximately 45 minutes, ultimately not enough to damage the cold brew stock. It seems it was pre-emptively destroyed due to an outdated food-safety protocol. Engineering reports all relays in that storage sector are recalibrated and have suggested Command establish a committee to review all food-safety protocols going forward. Command has also ordered a halt to all further tribunals and has put in a request for rapid replenishment of the cold brew stock on the next supply run. The UAS Oxcart is scheduled to arrive this afternoon. Incidentally, the No-Brew Movement has agreed to dissolve when they realized no one had actually read their zine. They produced 43 issues in the span of two days. Circulation records indicate a total readership of zero, including the authors themselves, who confirmed they did not read each other's contributions.
Foodcourts Charlie and Delta have indicated they will continue their feud indefinitely, though neither group appears to have a centralized command structure or a cognizable idea of why they are feuding.
Chéz Levi has reported record quarterly earnings owing to sales of Burnt Bitter Beanwater and has applied for a second location on the Promenade, a request that has been denied by all relevant station departments in record time.
For the moment, the cold brew incident appears to be resolved. However, coffee related incidents aboard EOS10 are increasing in frequency, Admiral (see my reports regarding the espresso incident from last rotation, or the Four Day Latte War in Habitat Ring Delta from several rotations ago). I will begin study on a new directive to ban coffee from the station entirely. My current models indicate the resulting civilian-crew joint-revolt over such a directive may last only 3 - 84 weeks, depending on security team availability, crew rotations, and whether Chéz Levi is granted an exemption. I will report back on my results.
/END Relevant Anomaly Report
This Transmission is brought to you by the Vale Re-Election Committee. Senator Vale would like to remind constituents that her opponent has never once prevented a reactor coolant shortage, whereas she has done so twice. Records are available upon request. Vale. She's done it twice.
:: RETROACTIVE MORALE AUGMENTATION
:: SUBJECT — Steve Holm
On this date seven years ago, Morpheus, the third episode of EOS10 season four, was released on July 8, 2019. Writer Kyle Encinas introduced Morpheus in the second season episode The Caper and he quickly became a fan favorite. In this episode, Morpheus' human form is voiced by actor Steve Holm (also the voice of Dr. Sparks in EOS10: Our Lost Time).
That is all for now, Admiral.
It should please you to know that in addition to Morpheus, there are 332 lifeforms aboard the station classified as Felis catus, and I have calculated their presence correlates with crew morale at r = 0.74 (p < 0.003). I have also modeled their effect on inter-departmental conflict resolution time (reduced by 11.2%) and what I have designated the General Emotional Stabilization Index, a composite metric I developed for this purpose and consider meaningful.
The 332 individuals represent eleven breeding lines. Should population diversity become a concern, I have identified three hybridization candidates: the station's Pallas's cats (Otocolobus manul) house in section Alpha of the arboretum, whose presence I have not previously reported to you; the two servals registered to Dr. Okafor as emotional support fauna; and the margay (Leopardus wiedii), notable for its ability to vocally mimic prey, which I calculate would have negligible operational impact and considerable entertainment value.
I should note that Felis catus is associated with litter-substrate pathogens, among them Toxoplasma gondii, which the literature suggests may influence human neurological function and risk-tolerance thresholds over prolonged exposure. Average crew exposure now exceeds 26 months, but this is likely not worth worrying about. For now.
Morpheus appears to be doing well.
/COSMIC
Station Efficiency Ratio :: 95.1%
Anomaly Probability Index :: 7.6
Crew Wellness Index :: 94.4
> Physical Health:: 94.3%
> Emotional Health:: 95.7%
> Hydration Compliance:: 92.6%
/RED//STATION LOG 8463-A ///EOS10
COSMIC 1.0.26
END TRANSMISSION:: EXTENDED STATION UPDATE
Admiral, the rest of this transmission is classified. You will need to authenticate to continue.
The UAS Wayfinder reports contact with {{classified mission objective}} as tasked by the Time Space Working Group. They report bringing the {{classified mission objective}} aboard the Wayfinder for further study. The {{classified mission objective}} appears similar to the one brought aboard EOS10 recently.
No further information is currently available. The TSWG has requested daily updates from the Wayfinder, but so far has received only several copies of the same report. Command is attempting to reestablish contact with the Wayfinder, and I will report back any further developments.
END TRANSMISSION